“The hero and the coward both feel the same thing, but the hero uses his fear, projects it onto his opponent, while the coward runs. It’s the same thing, fear, but it’s what you do with it that matters.” - Cus D’Amato”
Peak 8 Breckenridge Colorado
Fear is my guiding light. During a moment of introspection I noticed that I have an affinity for the things that scare me. I'm not sure if it is just compunction or pure curiosity, either way that nagging intrigue always seems to win the battle. I’ve found that leaning into fear has brought me more life then I could have ever imagined.
Whether it be freedive spearfishing, summiting mountains or venturing into the wilderness alone all of these activities have one thing in common … they are all things that objectively scare the shit out of me. When I was younger I longed to be liked and accepted which manifested in me turning into a people pleasing chameleon. Those are not the worst characteristics in the world, but operating under those conditions leaves a lot to be desired, including the development of individuality. After college I started paying attention to the things that scare me and pursuing them with cautious optimism as well as a methodical approach. One way of framing this inclination is that “It sucks to suck” but I think “It sucks to not know” is a better reflection of what drives my behavior. I could be on a paddleboard on a calm lake or on a solo hike through national forest, in both situations my curiosity for what lies just around the next corner is a feeling that I dont know if I’ll ever be able to satiate. I'm not joking, it has gotten to the point where I have to make agreements with myself while exploring new territory that the next bend will be our halfway point because you have to turn around sometime.
Routt National Forest Colorado
In the past year I have been to 3 continents, 8 countries and 21 states, I’ve been to the top of mountains, the bottom of the sea and alone miles into the wilderness. I am extremely fortunate to be in a position where I can take on these adventures but If I didnt possess some primal fear of these places I don't think my curiosity would have ever taken me to them. The fear I am referencing can take on many forms, the fear of holding your breath at the bottom of the ocean is different from the fear of a foreign land but the common theme amongst them is that they both contain a special ingredient … the unknown. Do you remember when your friend's parent would turn out the light at your first sleepover? Or that time you couldnt find your mom in the grocery store? These same feelings of fear (of the unknown) can manifest in ways today that are different than we experienced in childhood.
There are three principles that when combined have expanded my skillset and brought me to new horizons that I couldn’t have imagined not too long ago. Those three principles are:
Getting comfortable being uncomfortable
Being curious about the things you fear
Learning how to learn
Peak 8:
The first time I summited peak 8 at Breckenridge it took me 20 minutes from the top of the ski lift. The second time took me 5…
Apnea:
The first time I went spearfishing in Montauk I threw up off the side of the boat and couldn't go deeper than 20 feet. The second time I shot a 40 lb striped bass…
Solo:
One of the first times I went solo camping in the backcountry of the Rockies it took me 5 hours to get to my campground. Returning to the trailhead only took me 2…
I highlight these examples because my first foray into the things that I fear often take me a while to approach. You may call this “extremely cautious optimism” but you can also see that once the fear subsides my abilities increase exponentially.
Maybe you have recognized a similar pattern in your own life, that going to a new place always seems to take longer than returning back from it. In part I think that is because “New” is exciting and stimulating, and with more information we must move slower to really experience it all.
The difference between cautious optimism and reckless abandonment could be the difference between life or death or just simply a good and bad experience. However if you find yourself bored or stuck maybe you could ask yourself: “What scares the shit out of me?” Then lean into that, the thing you fear most ( or even just a little). You might discover your newest passion, you might not but you definitely won't be bored.
You can’t see the magic that’s right in front of you if you never open your eyes.
Love yourself, Love your neighbor.
JK