Doubt: n

a feeling of uncertainty or lack of conviction.

Curiosity: n

a strong desire to know or learn something.

Doubt and Curiosity are like the proverbial Devil and Angel that sit upon my shoulders, along for the ride on every single adventure. Curiosity pushes me forward, doubt drives me back and a stubbornness to succeed pushes doubt aside at least long enough to say I gave it an honest shot. Doubt is the adult manifestation of the childhood monster that used to live under my bed. Well technically in the crawlspace behind my closet (much scarier than under the bed). Doubt can creep into one's mindset and become a crippling ailment. For the scope of this article I want to talk about doubt as it appears in an adventure setting.

Doubt to me means that the desired outcome may be far from reach, so far indeed that I might as well start over, go back or just give up entirely. Curiosity can sometimes be helpful like “What if I alter my approach?” It can also be like a nagging interest “I wonder what’s around that corner?” And sometimes just ridiculous/encouraging like “I bet I can bow hunt public land in Colorado solo, find and kill an elk, butcher and pack it out several miles to my car by myself.” Sometimes doubt can be helpful, like “I doubt I’ll live if I go over to that side of the mountain” sometimes it can be tormenting like “I have no clue what I'm doing” or “I doubt there are any animals in here” and sometimes its just negative self speak “I doubt you can do this.”

There are times where I have 3-4 maps in front of me (Google Earth, onX, Colorado Hunt Atlas, Paper Map) and am just overwhelmed with a surplus of information and a scarcity of knowledge. There are days after talking to someone who’s been successful in the past or listening to a hunting podcast where I think I might actually have a shot. And there are some days where I feel like my best chances of seeing an Elk are at my local zoo.

While trying to understand where I can not only find Elk in Colorado but also access them via public lands, to a point where I can get within ethical bow range (sub 60 yards) and be able to pack out the entire thing by myself (meaning four to five 6+ mile round trip hikes with 70-100lbs on my back) has left me with tons of doubt over the past 4 months. I’ve traveled hundreds of miles by car and dozens of miles on foot and at this point I’m pretty sure that the doubt will only go away when I actually put that last load of meat in the Yeti after my first successful elk hunt (fingers crossed that will be in September of 2020)

The endless peaks of the Rocky Mountains have me poking my head around every corner of Colorado constantly wondering “What’s on the other side of that ridge?” As I expand my mental map of explored places I am slowly starting to understand that at 200+ miles wide and over 14,000 feet tall (The rocky mountains in Colorado) I will probably be asking myself “What's around that corner?” For as Long as I live in this beautiful state.